Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love accidental penises.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
