i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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