we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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