How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
