dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
