Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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