The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
