Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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