ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
