when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
