I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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