I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
