I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
