is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
