Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
