Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
