Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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