He is such a slut. More and more my type.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
