why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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