oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Acid is not a monday night drug
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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