I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
