I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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