So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
