M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
