Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
