I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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