You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
