4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
