my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
