On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
