Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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