So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
