I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
where are my eyebrows?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize