whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
