Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
