I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
