i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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