There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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