i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
