and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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