Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
