ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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