I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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