I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
