Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
