wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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