Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
