i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
