i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
