You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
