I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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