I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
FUCK WHALES
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
