how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
