don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
