i jhust puked up my retainher.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize