the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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