You can't special order awesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ugly people sure do ruin things
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
