he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
