where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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