I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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