i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
