Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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