just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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