Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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